Spiritual Awakening can be a weird and lonely time.
On the one hand, I still believe in an All-Seeing and Loving Source. I still hold on to some of the beliefs that I had been fed as a child. On the other hand, though, I no longer fit any religious “box.”
Lately, I can barely respond when someone asks me “What religion are you?” Most people are fine with a spiritual, not religious, but then there are the people I hesitate to tell my Truth to.
When you no longer subscribe to the things you’d been told were right all your life, some of the people around you will have something to say about it.
“Why risk your salvation?” asked the Pentecostal preacher.
“You need to be praying for Wisdom,” said Mom.
“But what does the Bible say about…?”
“You could go to hell for practicing Spiritism!”
And then there are the concerned ones who send links to videos and posts about how my new hobbies (you know, the evil practices of Yoga, Pilates, Tarot reading, and my love for pretty crystals) are demonic and bad.
And while everybody’s entitled to their thoughts and feelings, I end up feeling like I have nobody left to talk to about these big and confusing changes happening in my life. Not without being corrected, or secretly placed on the church prayer request list.
Don’t get me wrong: I love the people in my life. I do! I just mean to say that it sometimes bothers me when my loved ones and I don’t agree on something I find important. It’s a natural human reaction and it’s something I have no problem working through. But anyway, back to what I was about to say.
There’s really nothing like the mention of Reiki, Tarot, Mediumship, and stuff like that to make a religious person squirm. They’re all beautiful and fascinating topics to me, and I treat them with the respect that I always gave to Christianity and individuals who believe in it. But there’s this level of weirdness to it; this cognitive dissonance that pushes many away from these things.
I used to be adverse to the things my old beliefs used to label as “evil” or “wrong.” I thought that I was fine to read Oracle cards with Jesus on them, yet I wouldn’t dare cross the line between those and – *gasp* – the Rider-Waite Tarot! I giggle to myself now about how worried I used to be. I was so afraid to step out of my comfort zone, but I learned that in order to find out what I wanted to know, I had to do some things that would feel very, very weird.
Then there’s the aspect of Spiritual Awakening where people are wondering about your wellbeing.
“Are you okay?”
“How’s your mental health been lately?”
“Are you high right now?!”
And I want everybody to know that my answers to these are “yes,” “fine, thank you,” and “Probably not!”
If there’s a conclusion to be made here, it’s that I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a weird place. I could keep my thoughts and questions to myself, but it makes me feel more confused than I need to be. I could tell the truth to others who ask about my spirituality, and risk putting them off.
In the meantime, I’ll keep feeding my hunger for information. I’ll do my best to understand the world around me with the knowledge that I have right now. And I’ll keep on learning.